they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
