Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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