We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
