Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
