my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
