Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
it's great music for shaving your balls
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
