Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
