i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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