Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I need to sanitize my soul.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
