I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
