I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
