piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize