I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
