Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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