You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
