Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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