You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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