So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
