yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
