White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
