I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
