Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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