put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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