I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
