I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
