lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
