Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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