Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(718): View more from New York

Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend

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(410): View more from Maryland

How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?

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(201): View more from New Jersey

MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon

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(909): View more from California

This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?

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(425): View more from Washington

Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"

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