please come you make the beer taste better
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
