i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
