One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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