I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
