I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
