i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
