I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
