So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
