There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
