i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
