Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
oh god the rape fog is back!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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