remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
