he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
