I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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