then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
