i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
