ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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