i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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