He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
