So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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