when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
