the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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